Secrets and regrets…

Okay, so that’s just the name of a song I like by Pillar. I don’t actually have any secrets that I can think of. And my regrets are few, because what’s the point of looking back?

I have heard people say “I don’t have any regrets,” but I actually do have a few. I’m so happy where I am, and I know that I’m here because of the things that I’ve gone through that have helped shape and mold my character. I mean, I think back to ten years ago, and I was so shallow. And I didn’t even know that I was shallow. But I hadn’t really experienced the type of pain and then the healing that helped make me a bit deeper. Now I know a LOT more about love, forgiveness, mercy, grace, and Truth. And I have a real relationship with God that I didn’t even know could exist before. To me (then), God was there and He was real and I wanted to please Him – but I had no idea what that actually meant. Now (I think) I do. At least a lot more than I did. I know enough now to know that there’s still SO much to learn!

Anyway, back to the regrets: I made mistakes… like getting pregnant in high school, but I don’t regret that. I mean, of course I wish I had always been perfect (ha!) and never did anything wrong – but so many of the mistakes I made turned me into who I am today and have helped me not be so judgmental of others (something I struggled with for a LONG time since I was raised in an extremely judgmental environment). And plus – I got Brittany out of it!!!!!! And I cannot imagine my life without her, nor do I want to. Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend teenage pregnancy to a friend (or premarital sex of any kind) - there were so many consequences that came from that and the brief pleasure certainly was NOT worth the pain it caused later. Although having Brittany was a side consolation prize that made the rest of the pain bearable.  And I thank God for her!!!

And there are even some bigger mistakes (and many “smaller” – but who’s measuring?) that I made in my past, but they helped me learn and helped me help others (do you know how many women I’ve been able to ‘counsel’ because of the issues Andrew and I went through in our marriage?! A lot! And it’s been amazing being able to see God work through me because of what He helped me and Andrew overcome). There are a handful of things though, some things that were despicable and hideous, that did not help me grow, and getting through them didn’t help build up my relationship with God or anyone, that I wish had  never happened. But I can’t change them. So I do not dwell on them.

I’m not sure where that came from! I had that song in my head, typed out the title and started rambling about “regrets” – haha!! What did I even say in those last few paragraphs? Did it even make sense? Where am I??………

It seems strange that I don’t have any secrets. Surely there are some in there somewhere. I mean, I’m not going to go into detail about the handful of regrets that I have. lol! But secrets? I’m kind of an open book. I guess I know some secrets that belong to other people, and I wouldn’t share those with anyone, but my own – I can’t think of any.

I need to take some photos. Maybe today. I know my posts have been lacking in the photo department lately.

And that, my friends, was Random Rant #462. Enjoy my insanity.