Issues? Yes, please.

Remember that blog game where you were supposed to type “what (your name) needs” into Google and report the first ten results that came up?  I participated in that one, and it was pretty amusing.  I think it was one of the posts from before I started using wordpress though, and I still haven’t put those archives on here, so I can’t link to it. Trust me though, it was funny.

Anyway, I was thinking that I needed to do a post about some real issues.  I know that Flight of the Conchords has a pretty entertaining song about the issues. And it’s relevant.

I got to thinking “what ARE the real issues that need to be discussed?” And I remembered the aforementioned google game, so I thought “why don’t I ask Google?!” So I did. I said, “What are the issues?” and Google replied. I’ve mentioned the first ten issues that came up (in magenta), worded the way it was worded on Google, and I’ve given my responses (in teal). I hope this helps you. I know it helped me.

1. Homebirth.
   This is something I would never do. At least on purpose. Do I love hospitals? No. But the thought of giving birth in my own bed (can we spell m.e.s.s.y.?!) with no drugs available at all and having to hope an ambulance arrives on time in case of an emergency is not something that appeals to me. At all.
2. Email security.
   My advice is this: change your password every so often. Other than that, if you don’t want it to be seen, don’t put it in writing. Because even if you hit ‘delete’, someone somewhere could use what you wrote against you. There really is no such thing as privacy on the internet. If you think that there is, then maybe you shouldn’t even be allowed to use a computer. I’m just saying.
3. What are some issues in cloning?
   If the movie Jurassic Park taught me anything, it’s that cloning is bad. People turn into idiots and get eaten by dinosaurs when they clone them. Sure, the cloned chick in The Fifth Element saved the world, but when Michael Keaton cloned himself in Multiplicity, all h-e-double-hockey-sticks broke loose. And the acting wasn’t that great either. I’d say it’s better to be safe than sorry, and just avoid cloning.
4. What are the issues between India and Pakistan?
   I don’t know what their issues are with each other, but I have no desire to go to either place. Helpful? You’re welcome.
5. What are the issues involved with mapping?
   Maps are good. They help us find our way when we get lost. I say we keep them.
6. Defining overweight and obesity.
   This is definitely an issue worth talking about. If you are having trouble leaving your house because you don’t fit through the door, I’d say you may have fallen into the category of “obesity”. If your normal-sized clothes are getting a bit too tight and/or buttons are popping off, then you might just be “overweight”. You can solve both these crises by regular exercise and healthy eating. Put down the cookies and grab a carrot. Then go for a jog. But wait 30 minutes after you eat your carrots. Or is that only for swimming?
7. What are the issues surrounding the water supply?
   Justice made a cup of hot tea for me this morning. He brought it to me and I took a drink and was like “um, did you not use filtered water?” and Justice said “uhhhhh…” and I said “you know, I can taste the difference” and he said “how?” and I said “because the unfiltered water tastes like bleach and dirt!” and he said “are you a scientist?” and I said “yes.” (and then he made me a new cup of tea).
8. Connecting women with Unions.
   I’m not a fan of Unions. They always seem to be picketing or suing someone. They just seem like an angry bunch. And I try to avoid angry mobs whenever possible.
9. Prisoners’ children.
   Unfortunately, I think that a lot of prisoners’ children are going to grow up and commit the same types of crimes their parents’ committed. Generational sin. It’s an ugly thing. Break the cycle, people!
10. Xbox 360 technical issues.
    Ugh! We have had many issues with ours. It’s currently not working (again), and since the warranty is long expired, I’m pretty sure it’s going to remain that way. My kids love their games, and are kind of sad that it’s not working. But I don’t currently have 300 bucks to replace or repair it. They’re so deprived. All they have is a Wii and a Playstation 2. Sad, sad, sad. They have so much to tell their therapists when they get older.

I hope these issues were relevant to your everyday lives. Let me know if you have any other issues that need to be discussed. I’ll be happy to offer some nuggets of wisdom.